Adversity-From Knock Down to Triumph

Jane Lamin

[00:00:00] Paula: Well, welcome to “TesseLeads” with your host, Tesse Akpeki and co host, me, Paula Okonneh. “TesseLeads” encourages people to tell their personal stories. This episode is going to be one of which “TesseReads” meets “Tesseleads”. The book that we’re going to be reviewing today is by Juliette Lamin. Her book is “From Knockdown to Comeback. How I use my personal tragedy to find my purpose and passion”. So before we go into the episode, let me tell you a bit about Juliet. Juliet is an author, she’s an educator, and she’s an activist. She’s also a community activist, as I said, youth mentor, and a licensed Grief Recovery Specialist. Ms. Juliette Lamin has worked with adults and young people with different complex needs across the United Kingdom. As I said, this episode is about “TesseReads” meeting “TesseLeads”. So Tesse, the main host, is going to be doing a review on Juliette’s book. Welcome Tesse.

[00:01:35] Tesse: Hi, Paula. It’s always a delight to meet you, and I’m really excited that my book club, “TesseReads”, is now meeting “TesseLeads” and with my favorite co host, Paula Okonneh. And I’m so glad to be talking about this book. You know the theme of today’s episode is “Adversity”, you know, meeting personal triumph through adversity. And It just gives me a lot of heart and compassion to talk about how people can be in a valley and from the valley get to the mountaintop.

[00:02:18] Paula: So I’m going to ask you about this particular book. What are the highlights of this book?

[00:02:25] Tesse: Well, where do I start? I’m going to start with a little story and then you can see why this book, how this book actually came into my hands.

[00:02:33] Paula: Okay.

[00:02:35] Tesse: As you know, Paula, and my brother Tony was killed by a drug addicted driver in a hit and run incident in Dover. Following that, there was a court case and again that was tricky. And his son went into hospital with a sporting injury, which he had got because he’d just been recruited as a student by a football club, a premier football club in London. So he was in their network and he had this horrible accident on the pitch and suffered catastrophic injuries to his leg. He had a broken femur bone which later got into complications and became a compact syndrome situation. And he started having spasms, and he was in and out of intensive care for over two and a half months, Ufo had to bear that. The other thing that happened with her was her sister died very suddenly, her younger sister, she had to bear that. She herself had a lot of health issues and she had to have operations as well. So there was just so much going on in her life and she bore it with such courage and such fortitude. The first time she came to visit me since my brother’s death, because I live in Wembley, was a few weeks ago. And I was just in awe of her. And I said to her, “Ufoma, how are you getting through all this pain that you’re going through? It just isn’t fair”. And she said, “Tesse, God is fair, and sometimes life isn’t”. And she had the most amazing smile on her face as she said that. And I said to her, Ufo, I’m in so much pain with Tony’s loss, and you’ve had so much more to bear. What resources have helped you along the way? And she said, Tesse, she said, “I was in a Christian network and one of the people there brought a book to me and said, Ufoma, this is a gift from me to you”. And we want to give this to you because we’re sure that it will encourage you. And I said, what is the name of that book that was put into your hand as a gift? And she said, the book is called, “From Knockdown to Comeback, How I Use My Personal Tragedy to Find My Purpose and Passion”. Smiling at me, she said, “that book by Juliet Lamin has really encouraged me in my loss, in my griefs, in my pain, and in my suffering”.

[00:05:51] Paula: Wow. And that led you to search the book on Google, find the book and order the book. And now you’re reviewing the book.

[00:06:04] Tesse: Absolutely. But even more, even more, Paula, you know me, I love people. I love connecting. I went on LinkedIn and I searched and I found her and that’s Juliet Lamin. And I told her I was reading her book and I’d love to connect with her. And she connected with me, but what she did next was even amazing. She said, what story do you have to tell me? And I said, I have a story of my brother and his wife, Ufo. My brother who was killed while serving others and his wife who is left behind with four children. And she said, “Tesse, I would like to meet you and Ufo”.

[00:06:49] Paula: Wow.

[00:06:50] Tesse: And when I told Ufoma that she couldn’t believe it, that Juliette Lamin wants to meet both of us. We haven’t met yet, but we’re going to meet up.

[00:06:59] Paula: Oh, my word. And so that makes this book review even more special, doesn’t it?

[00:07:07] Tesse: Absolutely. Absolutely. It’s so special. I mean, it’s wonderful and it’s just brought the whole book to life.

[00:07:16] Paula: Cause I was just about to ask you, what do you like about the book?

[00:07:19] Tesse: Oh God, what don’t I like about it? It’s this book, I’m going to start with the story of Philip Lamin, who was the only son of Juliet. And in the month of June 2012, she received a phone call from the manager of Fulham’s under 16 football club. Like any parent, she was overjoyed when she was told by the manager that her son had been scouted to join the side as a professional footballer. Unbeknownst to her, within the next 12 calendar months, things were going to take a turn for the worse. So on the 5th of February, 2013, Juliet received the most devastating news any mother could receive. The person at the end of the call told her that her adorable and gifted Philip had collapsed while playing football on the day. He had been rushed to hospital. When she got to the hospital, she saw the lifeless body of her son lying in a bed with doctors present and unable to bring him back to life. You can understand Paula, that she was devastated beyond words.

[00:08:36] Paula: Absolutely.

[00:08:38] Tesse: And at that moment, her greatest wish was to die so that she could join her lovely son in the great beyond. So knocked down through this trauma and through her determination and fortitude and her faith, she bounced back. So this is a true story of the months that led to Philip’s death and how she coped ever since. She had made a promise to her son, Philip, and that promise to her son was to take care of his friends. And this has been the driving force in her everyday experience.

[00:09:22] Paula: And that she has honored.

[00:09:24] Tesse: And that she has honored.

[00:09:25] Paula: Through this book, I assume.

[00:09:28] Tesse: Through this book, but even beyond that, Paula. Even beyond that. If a defibrillator had been on the pitch, at the side of the pitch at the time when Philip, he was only 17, he was a strong lad without any knowledge of, without any known health challenge, he was fit. But if a defibrillator had been there at the side of the pitch, he would probably still be alive with us today. And Juliet Lamin campaigned tirelessly for defibrillators, and that is something that has changed in so many events, so many circumstances, their defibrillators. Even in our church, you know, we have two defibrillators. And without her standing up, standing out, shouting out for practice to change, that would probably not have happened in the time that it happened. So out of sorrow came that. In addition, she actually set up a network for young people. Yeah, and this network has been an amazing way of young people getting together and supporting each other, you know. She turned her tragedy into a place where young people got together in that, and their lives are changed forever. Because they’re in a place where they’re loved, where they’re cared for, where they shall, they share their stories, where there’s compassion and where love simply reigns. So really, Juliet has done so many things through this pain she has felt to make it better, to make it more reassuring, to make it more comfortable for other people who may face darkness and need to navigate through that valley experience.

[00:11:31] Paula: And so that’s the takeaway. What’s the takeaway, Tesse from this?

[00:11:37] Tesse: Oh wow. The takeaways are many. But I’m going to actually be succinct about what I distilled from her book. First of all, that emotions are allowed. It’s okay to grieve. It’s okay to be sad. She wanted to die,You know,.She wanted to die. As you know, when Tony passed, I didn’t want to be alive. You know, it’s just living those emotions. So, you know, she talks about her darkest days, and she talks about how she turned her pain into a project. She turned her pain into a project. And she’s talked about when life is not fair, what can be helpful? So she talks about, how heroes can inspire us. She looked to other people who had been through suffering, and those stories also inspired her. She talked about, she talked to the friends of Philip and she listened to them as they paid tribute to the life Philip had lived. Because Philip in his lifetime touched many lives. And she talks about how those many lives that he touched came back to comfort her as she began to get reasons to get them together, to support each other, because they were so impacted on through the life of, the death of Philip and through the life of Philip. So these are things that came through. It’s not just a concept, it’s not just a self help group, book. It really is a book that lives through how adversity can lead to triumphing through pain and suffering.

[00:13:28] Paula: And on that note, I want to say that even me who hasn’t read the book but has experienced grief in my life, and the life of my children when my husband passed away, this is a book that I want to read. And I have gone on to Amazon. I’m laughing not because, I mean, the laughter may sound inappropriate, but what I’m saying basically is that because I’ve heard about this book and how much it has helped Tesse and more especially Juliett’s purpose for writing this book. I have looked online, I’ve gone to Amazon and I am going to buy this book. Thank you so much Tesse, for sharing. Thank you for, you know, showcasing Juliett’s work. And thank you for being willing to share your personal story and the effect, the positive effect that this book has had on you.

[00:14:28] Tesse: Yeah, I wanted to say that the network, because I would be remiss not to name the network that she, you know she actually encouraged to come together. It’s called “PL nine”. It’s called PL, P for Philip, Lamin, nine. It’s called “PL nine” is the name of the network. And it’s community engagement for young people. Encouraging, supporting each other, doing it for themselves. And this network has been so instrumental to young people feeling seen, feeling heard, being supported, feeling encouraged. So that, and the last bit on that is that Ufoma’s, you know, analysis that God is fair, life often isn’t fair. And for me the takeaway is when life isn’t fair, how can I be strengthened in the valley, so that I may be able to make a pathway and reach a mountaintop?

[00:15:37] Paula: I love that. I love that. And so for you our listeners, this may be short, but it’s sweet and we want you to know that your precious stories and your life matters. We also want you to know that we encourage you to share them with us on “TesseLeads”. This is a special episode, as we said, “TesseReads” met “TesseLeads”. So we encourage you to head over to “Apple Podcasts”, “Google Podcasts”, “Spotify”, or anywhere you listen to podcasts and please click subscribe. And if you would like to have your stories on “TesseLeads”, reach out to us on our website, which is “www.tesseleads.com” and apply. Thank you Tesse. Thank you “TesseReads”, and it was a pleasure to have “TesseReads” meeting “TesseLeads”.

[00:16:30] Tesse: Thank you so much, Paula. And as I tell you, you’re always my favorite co host, and it’s wonderful to be on the platform where “TesseReads” meets “TesseLeads”. You’re awesome, Paula. Thank you.

[00:16:44] Paula: And so are you.